from my dorm room

hello friends!

i am officially moved into my dorm room at 1275 east 1000 north logan, utah

yeesh, its way weird!!

we left at 9 a.m. yesterday morning, and i was a mess

but before that, adam and i had our last few days together

that was horrible, but good, in a way

we did a TON of fun stuff!

on wednesday we got huge snowies and we went to a bunch of random stores and just enjoyed being together!

we took a million and a half wierdo couple pictures

 we even had my mom take real, professional pictures of us. it kinda felt like an engagement photo shoot, but really it was just a goodbye photo shoot.

 we also went to brick oven!

the past week was really, really difficult. along with working, packing and generally getting ready to leave, i also had to mentally deal with the fact that i wasnt going to see adam again for a long time. it didnt seem real, and it still kind of doesnt. the last night was the hardest, of course, but it was also the best.

it started off at 12 a.m. when i chugged a diet vanilla coke and stayed up for the next five hours working on adams present

i made him a notebook that i had been writing in all summer, along with actual letters and a bunch of cute drawings and pictures of us

it took me a way long time, but i think i got some closure from it

it was a hard night, knowing id only have one more day with him.                                                                                later that day, after 2 hours of sleep and a 2 hour work meeting, adam came over and we finished packing up my room. we laughed and kissed and tried not to cry. plot twist, i bawled. then we went to adams house and i gave him my present, and he loved                                                                  it. it was so bitter sweet though.

   

then, of course, i had to go to work. that was an awful shift. not only was i dreading saying goodbye to adam, but i also had to say goodbye to a job that i really like and to co workers i am friends with. 

adam picked me up from work, and i immediately burst into tears, and so did he. so we sat there in zurchers parking lot for about 10 minutes, drowning in our sorrow.

then, after pulling it together, we went to the spaghetti factory and ate dinner

everyone gave us weird looks when we walked in, since both of our faces were red and puffy

after eating dinner, adam gave me his present. its a blanket he made completely by himself. dont even get me started on how cute it is. 

then, we went to the riverwoods. we went into the big gazebo, turned on pandora, and danced like fools

people stared, but what did we care, this was one of our last moments, and it was so special.

 this is the last picture i took of the night

isnt it beautiful?

after riverwoods, we went on a spree of cute places that we have had cute moments together

riverwoods, were we used to hang out when we were unsure about dating eachother

then nelsons grove, were we used to go on walks together

then the swing by the lake, were we had our first kiss

then the pond at uvu, were we went instead of the senior movie night to talk about our future together

and lastly, to the ledge above squaw peak, where we watched the fireworks explode over utah valley on the 4th of july

then came the hardest part

we sat on my porch for about 40 minutes, trying to pull ourselves away from eachother

it was so, so, so hard, and sad, and horrible

after a million hugs and a thousand kisses, we said our final goodbye

as i shut the door, i felt all the air leave me, and i watched him walk to his car, knowing it was the last time id see him for a long time

then i went to bed, so exhausted from sadness

the next morning i woke up and had to say goodbye to my brothers 

i lost it when i said goodbye to kaleb

i miss everyone there so much

we started our drive to usu, and stopped at maverick, and i couldnt hold back tears there. adam and i went there all the time, and it hit me that i wasnt going to be there again. it was so hard leaving, so hard. 

 we got to utah state, unpacked, went to walmart, ate lunch, and then my parents left

it was so weird, like, what do i do now?\

so i finished unpacking, read my connections book, ate a poptart for dinner, and thought that i could actually do this

then, adam called, and i lost it. i went on a walk while talking to him, and i was bawling so hard i could barely breathe.

its a weird combination, being so excited to be in college, then being so petrified because you are in a place you dont know, and also being so, so sad and missing everything you left in orem.

ive never had to deal with any of these emotions before, and its hard to know what to do with them

but its good to know that i am loved, and one of my co workers just texted me telling me good luck and to call if i needed anything.

how sweet (:

anyways, my room is really cute

want to know a secret?

i cryed while writing this

the pain is still so fresh

but thank you for reading, because typing all of that out actually really helped me.

keep calm and carry on

that is seriously my new motto

untill december, when i can see him again

im off to apply for jobs and to get a bike lock

goodbye (: